director’s statement
Medulla as a film has been nearly three years in the making, but for me it’s actually been a much longer process than that. I think it has been gestating in the back of my mind for years. I’ve always felt the urge to express it in some way, but I’ve found it really difficult to find a way to capture its theme.
We all live inner lives filled with forbidden feelings and suppressed urges that we try to hide deep in the back of our brains. If we’re not careful managing them, they start interfering and end up guiding our outward behavior to a larger than healthy extent. There’s this famous quote by Henry David Thoreau: “The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation”. I guess that sort of captures a little bit what I was aiming for, just adding: “…and sometimes, that just might be a good thing.”
I first had the idea for what was to become Medulla in the fall of 2016. During a long walk with my dog a persistent idea popped into my head. It was about an unhappily married psychiatrist who receives what is essentially a ‘how-to-get-me-into-bed’ user manual from a seductive and promiscuous female client. The idea was to capture the inner struggle that he goes through afterwards as his conscience battles his urges.
A long and winding writing process was to follow. Medulla turned out to be a treacherous shape-shifter that just wouldn’t be forced into anything other than what it needed to become. It ended up being pretty complex and quite a bit longer than what I had set out to write. Furthermore, I realized I couldn’t hand this script over to another director. It was too personal. I had to direct it myself. And I had never directed anything remotely close to this in my life. Who’d ever fund a project like that? The whole thing started to seem pretty impossible. So I challenged myself to find ways to make it believable that it could work. Basically to get away with it.
The idea was to make the film not by the standards of today, but by those of the late sixties. I love those old psychological maze thrillers like Hour of the Wolf, Repulsion or Persona, where the viewer is never sure what is reality or dream or fantasy. Those films might seem a little slow by today’s standards, but they creep up on you, tie a noose around your chest and, like an anaconda, start tightening their grip, until at the end you realize that you haven’t been breathing for an unidentified amount of time. I wanted Medulla to have those films as a reference.
By having a central character who is afraid to go outside I could limit locations. This had both a budgetary and a creative purpose. We could create a claustrophobic atmosphere, trapping him inside the building where he lives and works. The ‘old-fashioned, square’ 4:3 aspect ratio enhances that feeling of walls closing in on him.
Armed with nothing but a script and a bit of start-up money I set about casting. To my great surprise and joy the script struck a nerve with some of the most fantastic actors of the Dutch language area, who signed up for the project. I couldn’t believe my luck. It was their involvement that eventually made production possible. And that also made me realize I had to step up to the plate as the stakes got higher. I wasn’t gonna get away with anything anymore.
In October of 2018 we had six days to shoot. We shot the whole film in our very own Studio Nova building in Tilburg. They became six of the most challenging days of my life so far. I had never tried my hand at directing because even though I have the urge to express something distinctly mine, I almost have too much respect for directing. I find the responsibility daunting and I am in awe of the people who have done it the right way. I even hate visiting a set when I’ve written the screenplay they’re filming. Somehow I’m always in someone’s way and I end up quietly sneaking out through the back door. I was going to have to beat some serious odds to get this job done. Thanks to the extreme professionalism and focus of our crew and cast we managed to finish the final shot just about within time. In the end the production days of Medulla turned out to be six of the most rewarding days of my life.
So now Medulla has become the ‘little engine that could’. There was no way a 50 minute independent film with a large cast by a first time director in black and white on a minimum budget could ever be made. But we did it anyway. And I couldn’t be prouder of everyone who contributed.
I’m forever grateful to Michaël Pas for portraying the frustration of Charles Dujardin with such malign pleasure. To Astrid van Eck, who turned Lotte into a glorious femme fatale. To Christine van Stralen for hiding her exuberant personality in order to become Charles’ long suffering wife. To Eugenie van Huijgevoort for being the most courageous person I know. And to all of the other actors for graciously donating their time and their extreme talent to this project.
There’s so many other people whom I feel the deepest gratitude towards. Our film could under no circumstances have been made if not for their creativity, their passion and their talent. You’ll find their names in the credits of the film. I want to thank Tilburg municipality, Cinecitta arthouse and the Art Fact and Tivoli foundations for believing in this project and Cam-A-Lot for letting us use their RED Epic Monochrome camera, which was the bomb.
A final thank you is owed to the two people who have been the closest to me throughout it all. My best friend Nienke van Boom, who - having never produced a film before - set her incredible mind to it and virtually overnight turned into a full-fledged producer, commanding production as if she never did anything else. Nienke, we do this because we can. And to Elvira Kastelijn, who simultaneous to my little film struggle quietly produced our very own, way, way bigger miracle. I’m so proud of you and our boy and I love you both.
Rudi Brekelmans